Trophy Case
October 2010
- After 15 years, my novel characters’ lazy freeloading ended! By publishing an e-book, I’m happily exploiting their little asses for all I can get.
September 2010
- Replaced my aged water heater and corroded pipes before the inevitable surprise flooding could occur. The committee in my head has since nominated me for the highly coveted Award for Uncharacteristic Wisdom.
May 2010
- After sassing my boss, I achieved my long-time dream: a job-free life! (Be careful what you pray for, kids.) Thanks to my parents, I was old enough to take early Social Security. I joined them on their honeymoon as a cluster of undifferentiated cells (except for the big mouth cells that would eventually catapult me toward early retirement).
April-May 2010 Humor Press www.HumorPress.com bimonthly contest.
- First Place: The Right to Bear and Date Arms
June-July 2008 Humor Press www.HumorPress.com bimonthly contest.
April-May 2008 Humor Press www.HumorPress.com bimonthly contest.
Um, yeah, that’s it. The case has a few empty shelves, but dusting is a breeze.
Wait, don’t leave! Look here, in this miscellaneous drawer...
- June 2008 – A surprise award from the U.S. Government, a cash prize of $600. Wow, I had no idea that the D.C. area resonated with my humor and…What? You got money too? Everyone did??
- 2005 – Set a personal record – 11 months – in not balancing my checkbook. Oh, the freedom!!
- August 1984 Triathlon – No, not the wussy Ironman. We’re talkin’ the really famous one in Wisconsin—the Milkman. Won First Place of all women in my age group. Actually, I may have been the only female that age, but still….
- March 1968 – After weeks of grueling study in physiology, I scored an A- on my blood test. Only 3% of the population received this grade.
- January 1948 – Successfully completed nine months of intensive immersion studies in personal development, and received a Certificate of Birth from the State of Wisconsin.
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